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3月28日 Dear y'all:
Recently, I have made a decision to radically alter my way of life. I have decided to commit to a philosophy of living that I'm kinda inventing as I go along. I did a project on Nietzsche once, so it's inspired by that, in a way... I am inspired by Nietszche's concept of the Ubermensch and Will to Power and his outright rejection of Nihilism.
Basically, I've decided to commit to making certain changes. Granted, I'm not perfect so I may slip up, but I am very serious about a few fundamental shifts in my life. I will elaborate on each of the aspects later, but for now I'll just list a bunch of the elements:
- Avoiding sin as much as possible
- Reducing sleep
- Communicating with friends more
- Setting goals and using extreme self-discipline to achieve them
- Being courageous (saying what I want to say but was too shy or scared to say, before)
- Taking risks instead of avoiding them
- Getting in touch with my aggressive side
- Confronting people when I have a problem with them instead of avoiding them
- Building self-esteem by setting patterns of success rather than failure.
- Focusing on the future more than on the past
- Asking people to remember my goals and hold me accountable to them and doing the same for others
- Analyzing situations and deciding exactly how I am going to react the next time they occur.
- Trying to figure out the best way of doing things and doing it that way
- Using Caffeine more often as a performance-enhancing drug
- Being who I want to be as opposed to just being myself
- Never lowering the bar when I don't live up to my standards
- Being assertive
- Going for what I want even if it defies social norms
- Doing what I do WELL
- Aiming to impress people
- Avoiding the "Victim mentality" (which consists of evading blame for something by playing victim)
- Standing in solidarity with people
- Living fabulously and fearlessly
- Value-ing "openness" / "up-front-ness"
- Being open and up-front with people
- Holding people to their standards
So what does all this mean? Well for example:
- I've just stayed up all night.
- I have been putting in a major effort at work to do my job as close to perfect as possible.
- I look people in the eyes when I talk to them and I don't let myself be anyone's "bitch".
- Talking to my friends more on MSN
- I am planning to ask a girl out even though the situation is incredibly risky. I'm not going to say more about it on my blog but some of y'all may know what I'm talking about.
- I went to confront somebody I had a falling-out with. They still refuse to listen but I will try again.
- I've learned to be picky when it comes to women and to expect certain traits as opposed to just falling for any girl who showed an ounce of interest in me, unlike last time.
- I've learned to define exactly what I want and strategize as to how to go about getting it.
- I've taken to being loud and gregarious
This is a reaction, of sorts, to the ''laissez-faire'' attitude of society. Sometimes, it seems like people don't care about what others do so long as it doesn't interfere with their lives. Some people seem to apply that attitude towards themselves and let themselves go. I chose not to. I'm coercive with myself and I think it would be great if people could be coercive towards each other. For example, if I smoked, I would hope a friend would come by and lock me up for 3-days so I could get over the hump. Or if I had to get up really early to do something, my roommates could come into my room and ensure that I wake up! Ultimately, I think a coercive state would be the best way of getting the most out of people. A good analogy is to picture yourself as a lemon... Society could come and squeeze you in order to extract every last drop and then trade some of your lemon juice for sugar, ice cubes and water and then serve you a nice cold glass of lemonade.
Shucks I'm worried, though, that I may be just doing this for my own sake and not serving God. I'm wondering how God fits in to all this, actually, and my faith is actually pretty dry now. I'm not sure I even believe in God anymore. I try to and I try to go through the motions and follow all the rules but sometimes I think I am just doing that for the challenge...
Shucks! Pray for me, y'all!
Sincerely,
Jonas '''THE STEAMROLLER'' Graham, B.A.
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